don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
