I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
