I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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