yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize