It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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