M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
