Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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