I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
