I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
