I think my vagina is haunted
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
