farters have to be the big spoon...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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