if i can run in heels then i can drive
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
