I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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