your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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