Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
