the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
