The best revenge is premature balding
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
