So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
