thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
