I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
