Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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