thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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