They should really pass out barf bags in church
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My life is pants optional.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
