so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
