How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize