Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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