nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
