hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
