You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
