she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
