I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
