I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
