how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
