My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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