That's intense
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
