I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
