Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
