Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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