She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
