Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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