hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
