dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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