my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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