You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize