Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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