I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I AM VODKA MAN
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
