I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
ttyl tear gas
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
