I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
