Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize