Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
