Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
