thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
