Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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