Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
