I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
