last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My vagina is officially offended.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
