I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
