Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
