i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I looked at my own cervix.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
