DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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