Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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