I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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