Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
