I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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