I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
