so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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