cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
