Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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