So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
