I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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