Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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