What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
