in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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