You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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